The Road Ahead: Thoughts On The Future

     In my last post, "Looking Back At The Road To Here", I reflected on the events of the decade of my life that had come to an end. As much as I've found it important to remember and reflect, I also finding myself increasingly occupied with thoughts of the future.

    There is no doubt that life is changing on many different fronts, and in a way that sometimes leaves me feeling in possession of more questions than answers. Six months after having landed a job after graduate school, standing on my own financially and juggling new and growing responsibilities that must be attended to, I find myself thinking about the road I have set out on and the entailments of this stage. Once again, the words of Frodo Baggins in my favourite novel and movie, The Lord of The Rings come back to me:

"Remember what Bilbo used to say: "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."

- Frodo Baggins, The Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring

    Where will this road sweep me off to? Will I be able to handle the challenges that lie ahead? There is much that I feel inadequate about and unprepared for. This only exacerbates my tendency to feel as if I must become a hard-charging, achievement-oriented perfectionist, perfectly knowledgeable and capable of assuming complete mastery of whatever situation I find myself in. I'm confronted with the fact of how little I know about how the real world and things in life work, and I'm sure there are plenty of other young adults who find themselves in a similar state of affairs. As much as I believe in being optimistic about the future, I also believe that such an outlook will not be possible without a realistic assessment of where I find myself now.

    Although in primary school I was taught addition, subtraction, multiplication and division using money as an application and the idea of simple compound interest, I've realized how little I know about where money actually comes from and how to properly handle it. Witnessing the sequence of seemingly never-ending financial shennanigans in this country, our neigbour to the south and elsewhere on the globe over the last few years has ony made me more wary and distrusting of those who work in the financial sector. Can I do what it takes to navigate the pitfalls that might lead to a costly financial blunder and bring both myself and others to ruin?

    Speaking of "others", as I think of those both now and in future who will depend on me, I find myself contemplating my roles in work, ministry, relationship, marriage, family and all the challenges that accompany them. It gives me great concern as I survey the state of the culture and world that I live in, and its aspirations for the future, particularly the increasing intellectual hostility towards the Christian faith. As hard and hostile as it may seem now, I occasionally find myself wondering how I will guard and guide any children I might have in future through the cacophony of confusing voices and worldviews that will clamor for their attention in future. I have little doubt that the mental, spiritual and emotional stamina required will be tremendous. Will I buckle under pressure and crumble, or will I make it through?

    Among all these and many other concerns, there is also much joy and happiness that I find in what God is doing in my life, as I take steps to share my faith in the person with Christ with those around me. There is so much I want to do before He calls me to go home to be with Him. It is increasingly becoming my overwhelming desire that God would use me to make an impression for him in this city that I have lived in for the last five years. Of late, I have begun pondering the question as to what lengths I would go and hardship I would face for this city to know of the name and glory of God, and the saving power of the cross of Jesus Christ. As much as I struggle with concerns over the kind of person that I am or want to be, I also find and increasing an overwhelming passion that arises in my heart "out of love for the truth and from desire to elucidate it", as expressed in the famous words of Martin Luther.
   
    But even as I write this, it occurs to me that whatever concerns I might have and write about, the fundamental question that really confronts my heart is one of faith - in the goodness, wisdom and sovreignty of God. Ultimately, I must accept that while it is wise and prudent to think and plan ahead, whatever "preparation" I attempt to do in anticipation of the challenges of the future are perfunctory at best. There really is so very little of life that I (or any of us for that matter) have control over. I was reminded of this as I read the following verses in the book of Jeremiah this morning on the way to the 10 AM service at Willingdon:

    "Thus says the Lord:
    Cursed is the man who trusts in man
    and makes flesh his strength,
    whose heart turns away from the Lord.
    He is like a shrub in the desert
    and shall not see any good to come.
    He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
    in the uninhabited salt land.

    Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
    whose trust is the Lord.
    He is like a tree planted by water,
    that sends out its roots by the stream,
    and does not fear when heat comes,
    for its leaves remain green,
    and is not anxious in the year of drought,
    for it does not cease to bear fruit." (Jeremiah 17:5-8, ESV)

    May God plant and establish me as such a tree, as I set out on the road into the next decade. I pray this in Christ's name.

- The Wisdom Seeker

Looking Back On The Road To Here

    Reflecting on the thoughts of my last post of the closing of the second decade of my life, I thought I'd take time to look back on the time gone by, and take time to look ahead. Jamie was mentioning yesterday that one of her professors had made a statement about how we apparently perceive time as we grow older - that events and days only seem to accelerate. Even so, it's hard to believe 10 years have gone by so fast. With whatever time of life I have left, I wonder if the coming decade will seem to pass even faster than the last.

    It seemed not too long ago that I was in my first year of my undergraduate degree, floundering in life on all fronts - academically, mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually. After working to my utmost in my final years of high school to get admission into a good undergraduate university in engineering, it seemed that life was falling into place as I started out at one of the top 10 universities in the US. But within months, life began to unravel and fall apart at a pace that I seemed helpless to stop. My sense of discipline and purpose seemed to evaporate, and my health collapsed. It culminated in a spectacular loss as all the whatever I had seemed to achieve in academic progress crumbled to dust, leaving me hanging by the proverbial thread and with little hope for the future. I found myself lost and in crisis on almost every personal front - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, identity, suddenly unsure of what I wanted to do in life and what to do to put things together.

    But as it so often happens in moments of personal devastation, God was architecting events even as I roamed aimlessly in the midst of the rubble that my life had become. The next five years of the decade I have just left behind would become pivotal, as God orchestrated powerfully transforming and paradigm shifting change in my life, on a journey that spanned seven cities in three countries on two continents. It would be an understatement to say that I became a different person; emerging from an undergraduate degree in engineering in India, I still remember the comment of a relative who remarked that it seemed that both I and my life had been turned 180 degrees from what they used to be.

    The last five years have been a similarly wonderful journey, though in a different sense. Hopping back to the North American Continent and traversing two cities in the pursuit of a Master's degree in Engineering, it became a period marked by intellectual struggle for both faith and truth. I did not expect graduate school to grind me that way, but it was a good thing. Wading through the ideologies that struggle for dominance of the minds that attend a typical secular North American university campus was hard. It was often that I found myself struggling to explain either to myself or someone else, why the Christ and my Christian faith that I had taken to heart so easily since childhood was intellectually viable and defensible. Deism, Theism, Pantheism, Atheism, Agnosticism, Mysticism, Humanism, Politicism, Secularism....I have lost count of the conversations I've had on campus during my time at SFU with proponents of one (and sometimes more) of those worldviews. Some conversations have been wonderful and cheerful, others bland and superficial and yet others hostile and depressing. I found myself in turmoil as I tried to find a basis for thought amidst what seemed like intellectual quicksand - fearful, angry and confused as I came away from conversations that seemed on the verge of destroying both my faith and assumptions; happy at those that brought me reassurance and comfort; frustrated at those that seemed to be stuck at a mental impasse; inadequate after being unable to answer a question or challenge coherently or satisfactorily; restless after those that seemed to insert nagging doubts into my head about life and faith, and many more. Sometimes, I still come away feeling unnerved, but it only drives my determination to find truth and certainty.

    But even during my time in graduate school, I see how God has been orchestrating events with a purpose of slow, deliberate growth and maturity through a steady and ceaseless intellectual hammering. Questions of life, faith, truth, love, doctrine, theology, worldview, family, relationship, money, politics, autonomy, origin, meaning, morality, destiny - wading through the quagmire of questions that surround these was (and still is) very, very hard. I don't for a moment dare to claim that I have perfect, infallible understanding or answers to these questions that have plagued humanity during all our time here. But I do claim that I have met and am increasingly coming to know the Christ who does. 

    I need no convincing that the words of the hymn that came out of James Russell Lowell's original poem "Once To Every Man And Nation", might possibly be true: 

"Though the cause of evil prosper, yet the truth alone is strong;
 Though her portion be the scaffold, and upon the throne be wrong;
 Yet that scaffold sways the future, and behind the dim unknown,
 Standeth God within the shadow, keeping watch above His own."

    Whatever happens from here on out, may I not forget this fact - God is there, in the shadows, purposefully watching and waiting. He has not, does not and will never leave my life to chance. I pray that you come to this realization too. See you in the next post as I think about the road ahead.

- The Wisdom Seeker

REFERENCES

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[1] Once To Every Man And Nation (Hymn)

[2] Once To Every Man And Nation (Original)

The Last Week Of A Decade

     This last week of July is quite significant for me - at the end of the month is my birthday. If by the grace and will of God I'm still alive by then, I will have come to the close of a major decade of my life and embark on the chapter that marks the beginning of the next. There were so many thoughts going through my mind as I wrote this during my lunch break, sitting by the trail and river that runs near my place of work. I've been coming here almost every other day or so over the last month, to find quiet time during the day to look back at the last 10 years, and think ahead to the future.

    A decade! Ten years seem to have gone by at high speed, even as the memories of 20 seem to be so fresh and vivid. So much has happened in this time that I will have to keep for a later post of reflecting on the years gone past. So much is yet to come, and I shall similarly keep my thoughts of the future for another post about my hopes as well as my concerns. But that is not what I wish to focus on now.

    I don't know what it's like to turn 30; I suppose I will find out in a few days, or possibly in the weeks to come. But I am experiencing what it is like to approach the final days of my 29th year. A change is definitely coming over me, having begun towards the middle of January this year and slowly but relentlessly picking up pace. There is a quiet seriousness, a feeling of gravity as I find myself contemplating the issues of life. There is also a slow but gathering sense of sure purpose, as I find myself increasingly moving in a direction in which I feel that I am being called by God for a burden that He wishes to entrust me with. Even as these continue to grow, I also find a silent commitment and determination that builds alongside them, both to the worldview and convictions that I currently hold and to become the man that God would wish to shape me into. And in the midst of this transition, there is both hope and happiness in the growing communion and closeness with the God who has known me before my existence and I am coming to know in return.

    I'm also endeavouring to fast and pray this last week, seeking God's wisdom and direction of what He would have me  do. I am in dire need of God's grace and mercy as this next stage begins. With all that is happening around me, life only seems to be accelerating in pace, not slowing down. And I am sure that the challenges that I will face will only become harder, not easier. I would be lying if I claimed that these things do not cause me some degree of anxiety or worry; the truth is that I often find myself wondering about the road ahead and what my legacy will be, both towards my God and those around me.
    
    But I must remind myself that 'tis not to the past that a child of God is called, but to the future; not to doubt, but faith and trust; not to weakness, but strength; not to cowardice, but courage; not to enslavement, but freedom; not to defeat, but victory; not to immaturity, but maturity; not to backsliding, but growth; not to ignorance, but knowledge; not to foolishness, but wisdom; not to damnation, but to salvation; not to debauchery, but to sanctification; not the downward call to Hell, but the upward call to Heaven in Christ; not to shame, but to glory.

    As much as I write these words from my heart, I know that I am more in need of reminding and encouragement than any who would read them. If there are others who come across this who are going through a similar time of transition and change in their life, I would be most interested in hearing what you have to say.

    See you in the next post.

- The Wisdom Seeker