"I Was Too Stupid To See"

Thor (2011), copyright Marvel Studios

 "My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof,

for the Lord reproves him whom he loves,  as a father the son in whom he delights." (Proverbs 3:11)

     I've wanted to write this post for some time now, though it will not be easy. The desire to do so had only intensified after my post on my Dad, fatherhood and manhood, as it has given me much to reflect on over the weeks since then. Indeed, there is much that I could write on the events and thoughts of the last week alone, but I shall reserve that for upcoming posts. As it is, the thoughts of this one will be quite challenging to express.

    My last post was peppered with the phrase "being a father is not easy". As hard as that undertaking may be, being a son is no cakewalk either; a son is called to undertake the difficult road from boy to man, child to adult, from being the son of his father to a father himself. And that road is fraught with difficulties. I was reminded of that stark reality recently by the movie "Thor" [1], directed by Kenneth Branagh [2]. I must profess at this point that I had written it off when it was hinted at towards the end of "Iron Man 2." I had never taken to Thor amongst the many other on or off-screen characters that captured my imagination during childhood, whom I wrote extensively about in my post "Adoration: Childhood Heroes." The very idea of incorporating a hammer-wielding deity from Norse mythology amongst the technologically sophisticated or superpowered personalities that dotted the heroic landscape seemed preposterous, at the very least. A "god of thunder" amongst the ranks! "Could there be anything sillier?", I remember thinking, when I first read about him in a Marvel Annual storybook that belonged to my mother. In addition, it did not help matters that having been immersed in the stories of the Bible from childhood, any superhero "god" was anathema in my little 8-year old universe, and continues to be so.

    Thus, it was with much surprise in May that I read the largely positive review [3] of "Thor" posted by Plugged In, the media review division of Focus On The Family. Although in all fairness the reviewer acknowledged some points of concern, he also had much to appreciate about the movie. And so it happened that with my curiosity aroused, I went on a solitary jaunt to the movie theater one day after work. I wished to see for myself if the story of the hero and his hammer was as interesting as it was made out to be. The answer turned out to be in the affirmative. Once I sat down and the story got underway, I found myself immersed in a most well-written and enacted tale accompanied by very fitting music that deeply resonated with me, and continues to do so. Since then, I have watched it two (!) more times, the third being with my friend Tommy last Saturday.

    Marvel's tale is built upon a very simple, yet fundamental and powerful act - the disciplining of a wayward son by his father. Aside from his walk with God, fewer relationships can inherently imprint a boy for better or worse as his relationship with his father. For, it is a well-attested truth that as much as the father possesses the power to validate his son, he also holds the power to invalidate him. And how the father chooses to exercise this power will say much about both what manner of man he is, as well as the man his son may turn out to be.

    And so, as the story of Thor opens, we see him as a child, as he and his brother Loki are told a story by their father Odin of a battle that he fought long ago. Even at that age, Thor's eyes sparke as his mind formulates a simple equation: war and battle equate to glory and power, and this comes through in his dreams of the future. His father uses this moment to instruct his sons of a sobering truth about the use of power: "A good king never seeks out war. But, he must always be ready for it." Though simply articulated, it is profound and pivotal to the rest of the story, because the seed fell on deaf ears and stony ground; the child did not take the lesson to heart, because he did not want to. His mind and heart had already decided the path he wanted to take. It was with much sorrow that I remembered moments like that from my own childhood, when my own father was trying to teach me something.

    As the story jumps forward to his proclamation by his father as the future king, the young man and warrior again faces reminders of this lesson from childhood. The hammer, Mjolnir, that has been entrusted to him has "no equal" in its power. "It is a weapon to destroy, or a tool to build", says Odin. And as Thor is asked to take an oath as the future king, to put aside all selfish ambition and vain glory, to rule wisely and protect his people, he firmly answers each question with a bold and confident "I swear!". But we are shown that the words come only from his mouth, not his heart; his eyes still shine only for battle and power.

    "How many times," I thought as I saw that scene, "have men taken an oath of office that entrusts them with power, with an absent mind and heart that is interested only in grandiose notions of how it will meet their own ends?"And then the Holy Spirit brought a sobering thought to mind: "And what about your heart? What will you do with power that is entrusted to you? Will you also do the same?"

    

     Eventually, this lip service leads to Thor's downfall, as outraged over his interrupted ceremony, he picks a fight that brings the threat of war upon his realm and people. Rescued by his father, Thor in his pride refuses to admit wrongdoing. "You've forgotten everything I've taught you!", shouts his father. "You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy!" To which his son reveals the true thoughts and intent of his heart: "And you are an old man and a fool!" In the midst of the anguish and sorrow that those words bring to him, Thor's father is still concerned for his son and loves him. He strips Thor of his power and title, and exiles him to Earth.

    "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." 

(Proverbs 13:24)

    As the story progressed, I was reminded that though disciplining can be harsh and painful, the son is not abandoned by his father. The father has purpose in inflicting punishment, though it does not appear so to Thor in the experiences that he goes through. He is alone, without his family and friends; he experiences weakness and vulnerability; he has no home or possessions, without a penny to his name; he attempts to wrongly reclaim his hammer, and throws a tantrum when he is denied its possession; he is brought low, mistreated and humiliated.

Thor, unable to lift his hammer (copyright Marvel Studios)

     It finally takes news of the death of his father to bring Thor to his senses. In a most unlikely setting, Thor sorrowfully voiced the words of regret and reminded me of moments when I had remorsefully come to the same conclusion:

    "My father was trying to teach me something, but I was too stupid to see it."       

    The words cut like a knife. I was reminded of the uncountable times I had sinned against both my earthy and heavenly Father, and brought to repentance only after much harsh chastisement. I thought of the most frequently and earnestly uttered words of appeal to a son in the first nine chapters of the book of Proverbs: "My son.."; "Hear, my son, your father's instruction..." (Prov. 1:8); "My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you..." (Prov. 2:1); "My son, do not forget my teaching..." (Prov. 3:1); "My son, do not lose sight of these - keep sound wisdom and discretion" (Prov. 3:21); "Hear, O sons, a father's instruction" (Prov. 4:1); "Hear, my son, and accept my words..." (Prov. 4:10); "My son, be attentive to my words..." (Prov. 4:20); "My son, be attentive to my wisdom..." (Prov. 5:1); "And now, O sons, listen to me..." (Prov. 5:7); "My son, keep your father's commandment..." (Prov. 6:20); "My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you..." (Prov. 7:20);

    It would be tragic if the story of Thor ended with words of regret. But the impetuous, selfish and spoiled son changes, and in the process, finds true power, and becomes the man that his father hopes his son will be. Plugged In's reviewer expressed it well:

"I could fill this whole review with the titles of movies that generally laud childlike, childish behavior in their heroes—pretty much every Adam Sandler movie ever made comes to mind—but Thor picks another path: It exposes the harsh reality of the consequences for never wanting to grow up...we know all along that Thor is incredibly strong—yet he finds his true power when he's at his weakest. We know him to be a hero, and yet he's at his most heroic when he bows his head in submission. He was born to be a king but proves his worth in exile. He was trained to be a warrior but makes his most impressive stand without weapons, without armor. He scores his greatest victory when he suffers a killing blow."

    "I have much to learn, I understand that now," says Thor to his father at the end of the movie. "I hope, one day, I can make you proud." To which the father turns to his son and says, "You've already made me proud." I hope I can be a good son and father one day. I have a lot of changing to do.

- The Wisdom Seeker

REFERENCES:
==========
[1] Thor (2011) -
[2] Kenneth Branagh -
[3] Plugged In Review: Thor

Of Fathers: Past, Present and Future

Daddy and I at Port Credit, Mississauga, 2010

      As I write this, I think of my Dad, currently in the middle of some afternoon backyard gardening, as he tends to his little vegetable patch and Mummy looks after her flowers at their house in Toronto. Today is Father's Day, and though it may seem unrelated, much of what I write is tied to the thoughts of my post of two weeks ago, "The Struggle To Grow Up." I've been given much cause since then to start thinking more carefully about the significant and serious issues of life that I've reflected on previously - maturity; life; death; love; relationships; romance and marriage; faith; responsibility; manhood; adulthood. I don't think I've thought extensively about fatherhood, except in the poem that described my fathering by God - "My Father's Son." Today gave me occasion to think some more about the matter. Though neither earth-shattering or profoundly revelatory, I write this more for my own sake and reinforcement in my mind than anyone else, though I hope others will find something helpful too.

    I'm deeply proud of my father. And his father before him. It is true that they have made their share of mistakes. It is also true that I might have differences with some of their views or approaches to life. But it is also true that I love them nonetheless. I'm deeply grateful for the legacy and example that they have left me - of hard work that has educated and elevated a family out of impoverishment; of endurance through trial and hardship; of taking a stand for truth in difficult circumstances; of character over superficiality; of the sacrifice of the temporal in light of the eternal and most of all, the supreme value of knowing Christ, without which everything else totters on shaky ground.

    Being a father is not easy. I have understood that fact of serious admonition from the life of my own parent. I wish I could say that I have been a model son, but I cannot, because I have not. There is much that I have done over the years to make his life more difficult than it needed to be, and supplied him with more grief than he needed to have. Too often has Christ had occasion through His Spirit to admonish me with the words, "A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother" (Proverbs 10:1). And much to my own sorrow on those occasions have I been convicted, of knowing that I have been the "foolish son" in those verses. I have been indolent, disobedient, rude, arrogant, boastful, self-centred, selfish, un-reachable, un-teachable, un-willing, un-wise, un-emotional, un-exceptional, un-lovable. But he has loved me anyway. "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers", says Proverbs 17:6. As much as my father is my glory, I sometimes find myself wondering if I have been his in turn - and I know that on many occasions, I have not. I say this only with sorrow.

    Being a father is not easy, because it is more than about sperm donation. This simple truth was rammed home more than 10 years ago through one of the most abject stories I have ever read, in an interview given by Sarah Michelle Gellar, who starred in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". Reluctant to discuss her father, her perspective of him was quite matter-of-fact:

    "I might have been an immaculate conception. You never know. My father, you can just say, is not in the picture. I'm not being deliberately evasive about him, it's just that there's so little to say. He is not a person who exists in my life. Just because you donate sperm does not make you a father. I don't have a father. I would never give him the credit to acknowledge him as my father." [1]

    It was as sad to read this then, as it is now. Some reflect with sorrow and regret because of the grief they have dealt their parents; others like her reflect on the grief that their parents have dealt them. I don't know which is more tragic, though ultimately it is God who has been violated through it all. It is equally sad to know that there are millions more, those who have begotten progeny and then checked out of their lives, as well as those who have been begotten and checked out of the lives of their parents. Being a father is not easy, because it is more than about contributing half of one's DNA; sperm, egg and DNA alone do not contain the lessons that will chart the course of the life that comes to being.

    Being a father is not easy, because it also implies that there is a wife and mother. A speaker an event on love, courtship and dating that I attended recently summed it up very neatly - one does not simply create children out of the blue, as if having slipped and fallen down the stairs. "Is there anyone among you who has a complete reproductive system?", he asked. The implication was clear - it takes a man and a woman together to have children. And men who will be married one day will have to acknowledge the fact that as much as their children have a father, they have a mother too. And as much as the culture would have us believe that it is wrong to have heavy expectations placed upon us that must be lived up to, the fact remains that a father has expectations placed upon him by a mother - to be there; to lead; to love; to care; to discipline; to provide; to die, if necessary, that their children might live. Being a father requires bearing the weight of responsibility - and that weight is heavy.

    Being a father is not easy, because it will mean facing the pain of sin - both his own and those of his children. Sinning against another and being sinned against hurts; but the hurt dealt by one's own flesh and blood carries a sting unlike any other. "This hurts me more than it will ever hurt you", said my Dad on the numerous occasions that he has had to discipline me while growing up - and those occasions were numerous indeed. So was the hurt that he felt on account of my sin. My Dad would tell me in later years that through fathering me, he learned much of God's own love for him. I only regret that it was done with much hurt and sorrow that he felt because of my various transgressions against God and himself.

    Being a father is not easy, because it means being God's man, not Man's man. In their book "Every Man's Battle - Winning The War On Sexual Temptation One Victory At A Time", Fred Stoeker and Steve Arterburn wrote the following few paragraphs introducing a section titled "Man's Man or God's Man?":

    "When it comes down to it, God's definition of real manhood is pretty simple: It means hearing His word and doing it. That's God's only definition of manhood - a doer of the Word. And God's definition of a sissy is someone who hears the Word of God and doesn't do it.
    Have you ever known a guy whose beard is so heavy he uses two blades to shave in the morning - one for each side of his face? By late afternoon, his four o'clock shadow is so thick he has to shave again. Four blades in one day! For those of us who are "smooth men," we hold this tough guy in awe.
    But God cares nothing about that. When God looks around, He's not looking for a man's man but for "God's man." His definition of a man - someone wheo hears His Word and acts upon it - is tough, but at least it's clear.
    Meanwhile, the results of failing to be a man according to God's definition are always tragic. The fact is, as Galatians 6:7-8 tells us, God is not mocked: You do reap what you sow, both to the good and to the bad."

    As I think of all this, I look at myself and those around me, who I hope will one day be married to wonderful women and have to become fathers ourselves. How will we do? Will we be any good? Will I be any good? I think of my roomate, Paulman, out in the living room. I believe God is doing much to prepare him to be both a good husband and father one day; there is much that I have learned from him during the time that we have been roommates. I will be very happy for him when that day comes.  

    I did not buy my Dad a card or present for Father's Day - a tie, a book, or an expensive car. I did not take him to dinner, though I look forward to the occasion when I will be able to. I did not get to spend some face-to-face time with him, save a phone call that I anticipate in a little while when he will be free. But I do give him something that means much to me - a promise. A promise to remember his lessons clearly; to contemplate our legacy carefully; and to follow our God faithfully. I believe it is the most surpassingly meaningful thing I can do as his son. Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

- The Wisdom Seeker

REFERENCES:

[1] Harvard Man : Interview With Sarah Michelle Gellar

My Father's Son

After talking to my mother today afternoon, I was listening to a sermon by Senior Pastor John Neufeld at Willingdon Church titled 'Withstanding God's Tests.' In the process, I was reflecting on my Dad, a man I admire and love immensely, and the God whom we both call our 'Father'. It is because of both of them that I am the person I have become today. I often use the phrase 'I am my father's son, and I will make him proud of me.' For a long time, I have wanted to express in some way what that means to me. As I was making my dinner tonight, with rice in the cooker and salmon baking in the stove, the words of a poem suddenly began to form my mind. I ran to get pen and paper, and as dinner was cooking and later while eating it, furiously penned the following lines at one go without stopping. I titled the poem 'My Father's son', that describes as best as I can manage at the moment, what my walk with God has been like and what He is to me.

My Father's Son

(by Kevin Thomas)

Fifteen years ago, as remembered by this man,
God came across a boy, in a wild and desert land.
Though grown up in a church, loving his parents so,
God's call he had not heard, his sin he did not know.
God loved the little boy, wanted him for His own
To hold him in His arms, His Father's heart to know.

And so it happened that summer's evening
After many years of sowing,
The child gained a glimpse
Of his Father and his King.
Though his mind was small, many things he did not understand,
In repentance he knelt and prayed, and took His Father's hand.

The little boy could not know,
That God had a plan
Of a wild and great adventure,
On the journey to be a man.
The road was narrow, long and hard
There were many times he did lose heart.
But still the Father's hand was firm,
This child He had found in the desert, He would not watch him burn.
God loved, clothed, fed and healed him,
Pursued, sang, scolded and even beat him.

As the years went by, many conversations the Father had
With the child He had rescued, who was becoming a lad.
In school, buses, churches and more,
Trains, planes and crowded stores.
Great talks were had on the beach,
Watching the sunrise together, or the starry night before sleep.
The son's mind was struggling, he was trying to understand
The things his Father was saying, of His Word and His plan.

He learned to pray, his Bible to read
To try and love his God in thought, word and deed.
Tenderly and patiently the Heavenly Father watched
As His child began to grow, and learned with Him to walk.
He listened as his son learned to sing,
Of His Saviour and His King.
Many nights there were, as the Father put his child to bed,
And sang over him with joy, watching as he slept.
And many others there were too, that God comforted His son
As he cried out his grief, his heart and mind undone.

The lad struggled to be like his Father,
To follow the One he called 'Lord' and 'Master'.
He yearned more than anything to be his Father's son,
To know that he had brought Him pleasure, His approval won.
The more he walked, the more he saw
The greatness of His Father's Person, His Spirit and His law.
He was awestruck by His wisdom, worshipped His strength,
Marvelled at His dignity, and His graciousness to men.
He was silenced by His holiness, stunned by His glory
Could not take his eyes of His beauty, and the greatness of His story.

And so came the Father with His Son,
and the power of His Spirit, the Trinity as One.
To touch the heart of their admiring son,
And show him the journey that he must take
To lose himself, and this world forsake.

The son listened as God spoke
Of being "Wild at Heart", and its great road;
Of how he was His "Beloved son",
called to be an "Adventurer", the journey to run;
And be a "Warrior", fight for his King,
But also the "Lover" of beauty, a wondrous thing!
To be a "King" wherever God placed him,
And finally, the "Sage", as his final years became dim.

The young man was silent; he had found
The words he had yearned for, of sight and sound.
He would lose his life for His Master, obeying His call
To be as His Father's son, His Saviour, his All.

I who pen these words am he,
The little boy that God found, in the desert heat.
'Tis this year fifteen years to be,
That I have followed my God, and Father to me.
There is none I love greater, none I want more
Than Him who has done great things, with more in store.
And I know this day, that because He cried "It is done!"
That I will always be like Him, for I am my Father's son.

I don't know what is happening to me this year; Ever since January, God has been opening my pen and pouring poetry out of me about all kinds of stuff. Jesus, please don't let this stop; I like it too much!

- The Wisdom Seeker.